"It was almost as if I felt in competition for my husband's affections and I had to win him back from her," she says. One mom of two from Connecticut found that she was more attracted to her husband than ever when she discovered he was having an affair. "You're sorting through all kinds of emotions-depression, anger, betrayal-and that just kills your sexual desire."īut an affair can also bolster your libido-even if you're not the one doing the cheating. "If your partner has cheated on you, even if you are working hard to forgive and rebuild the relationship, sex is often the last piece of the puzzle," says Kerner. See how your brain reacts to the ups and downs of love, exclusively on Prevention Premium.)įor some people, infidelity can destroy their sex life. "I finally had the energy to start fixing myself instead of devoting my efforts to fixing my marriage." (Your brain isn't immune to a rocky relationship. "For the first time in years I was able to dedicate time to myself-going the gym, wearing better clothes, focusing on my health and putting on makeup-simply because I wasn't depressed that I was stuck in a terrible marriage anymore," she says. "They actually end up stronger and more resilient than before the affair." One New York City woman who discovered her husband was cheating feels like she finally found herself once her unhappy marriage came to an end. "People who recover from infidelity are usually able to go within themselves and recapture their center of power," says Kerner. On the other hand, the wake of an affair can actually help you focus on yourself. His advice: "Take it one day at a time and start prioritizing healthy habits, like going to the gym and starting therapy, to help you rebuild your life and your relationship." Self-care, their career trajectory, friendships, and thoughtful parenting can all take a backseat," says Kerner. "For some people, an affair can make them lose focus on other aspects of their life. In fact, she points to her renewed sense of self-confidence as one of the reasons she was able to eventually reconcile with her husband.Ĭheating can create a level of stress and anxiety that can trigger a depressive episode. "Oddly, getting cheated on completely changed my self-confidence for the better, and I've been able to hang onto that feeling ever since," she says. She and her husband spent some time apart and once she started dating again, she was reminded that she was lovable and desirable. The unexpectedly good news is that those feelings of inadequacy didn't last long-at least for her. (We asked a private investigator and here are 8 signs of a cheater) Not attractive, smart, or funny enough," says a mother of two from Brooklyn. "After being cheated on by my husband, at first I felt embarrassed and like I just wasn't enough. The flip side: The person who is being cheated on will suffer a major blow to his or her self-esteem, points out Tessina. Then they discover sexual or emotional appreciation in the affair which, in turn, bolsters their confidence," says Kerner. "Part of the reason many people cheat is because they felt unwanted or unloved in their relationship.
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